Sugar & Spite

I am so responsible, you guys.

Fuck you thesis. Fuck you hard.

Data collection for our thesis has been hell so far. Also, we suddenly had to change one of our schools as PLM’s head of research said it would take weeks for them to process our request. Btw, Laurene, thank you so much for offering to help and answering my ridiculously long text messages!

So yes, I am taking a much needed break from school and Manila in general.

I always enjoy airplane rides. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t fascinated with flight, and the enormous bird-like machines that can stay afloat thousands of feet above our heads for hours at a time. I love airports as much as I love flying. There’s always something about visiting a place for the first time. As soon as you feel the plane’s wheels touch solid ground, you look out the window and scrutinize the scenery, wanting to get a taste of where you’ll be spending the next few hours/days/months/years. I think this is why governments spends so much money on airports: for face value.

Manila’s Centennial Terminal 2 isn’t as impressive as other airports, but as I step off a plane after being held up thousands of feet above sea level, and into its walls; I hear voices and accents that are more than familiar, and see friendly faces that remind me how much I miss home.

As I made my way to the airport tonight, the feeling was bittersweet. I felt guilty for wanting to go home. I tried to remember how excited I was for that trip, and to finally get away from Manila. I wanted to spend more time with my family, but a part of me was guiltlessly pleased, I wanted Manila so bad, it almost hurt.

As I boarded the plane, I silently bade goodbye to the place I was looking forward to visiting just a few weeks ago, the place I called home for the past eight days. I looked at my watch, and smiled to myself. In an hour, I’ll be in a car, and on my way home.

For eight days, Cebu was my home. The past week was spent playing with my younger cousins and sneaking occasional cigarette breaks near the hotel lobby. It was fun, as all my trips there are.

I go to Cebu at least twice a year. Holidays are never complete without visiting my Mom’s side of the family. My grandparents migrated to Cebu in the late 60s, and have been living there since. My Mom is the second among seven girls, and one of two who migrated to Manila. Since I’m the second grandchild and the first granddaughter; I never had to compete for attention and approval growing up. Six years later, the brood started growing, starting with the birth of my younger sister, Ira. I have five cousins, four who are younger than me, aged three to thirteen. I get along surprisingly well with my youngest cousin, Moira. We share a love for Barbie dolls and everything girly. We would spend a hours making up stories and cooking recipes with her kitchen sets and dolls, armed with her imagination, and my willingness to play along.

Trips to Cebu are never complete without going to the beach (or swimming, at least) and daily trips to the mall. Since everything is a (maximum of) fifteen to twety minute ride away, the place does have everything, making it a perfect mix of urban and rural living.

Today, my Mom, sister & I spent our last day in the nearest Starbucks with my grand parents, the kids, and some of my Aunts. As usual, stories were told, laughs were shared, and pictures were taken. It was half past five, we had to leave, fix our luggage, and go to the airport to make it in time for our eight PM flight. As we were to part ways, Moira told my Mom, “Let’s walk around first before you leave, ok?”, so we did. We walked around, not wanting to leave, knowing it would be months before we see them again. But we had to say goodbye; I told Moira I was getting my things, and that I’ll see her later tonight. I didn’t have the heart to tell her we won’t be seeing each other for four more months; and that in a few hours, I’ll be a couple of hundred miles away, sitting on my bed, writing about how we said goodbye earlier tonight, wanting nothing more than to be where they are, & play make belive with Barbie dolls and kitchen sets.